Monday, February 19, 2007
hey dudes.sry i hvn been posting..happy chinese new year guys! (: lost; blur; hurt was brought to life at 7:30 PM
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Thursday, February 08, 2007
The Motivation Proclamation!! *loves* haha, its a really nice song you just gotta hear guys! i'm just so crazy over it.. and omg, GOOD CHARLOTTE!! haha, its just a few days ago bianca lent me her gc debut alb and marilyn manson's first alb too..i really like some songs in mm's alb, like tainted love, mOBSCENE and.. THIS IS THE NEW SHIT! but good charlotte's better! i LOVE em, man! e whole alb was jus, AWESOME. bianca said they sounded immature..but i find it funnily cute! [thinks of billy too]. lost; blur; hurt was brought to life at 10:20 PM
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Saturday, February 03, 2007
i'm just so sick of everything now..i don't exactly noe why but, yeah.its just..i dunno..i just feel so tired, and i feel so much hatred in me..i can't even smile...i can't even smile... i just feel like everything is hopeless..me and my f**king self.bad luck and f**king studies..i feel like i hate everyone now..but you all noe i don't..i just, feel this way..this sick feeling i have once again.. argh! its just..wtf. i hope i ain't going thru the same 'depression' like last year..but i really think i am.. its just so sick..'cause when i have this f**king 'depression', i tend to talk much lesser, and i'm afraid i don't talk much to the people i know..and ppl will ask me what's wrong with me.i don't want them to worry..i don't want anyone to worry for me.. i just want to deal with this myself. i just..hate myself so much, i KNOW i ain't worth any love, any care. i'm just so depressed now.i hate everything i see, feel, hear, whatever.f**k it.i just want to get rid of this extremely sick feeling! i feel like screaming out! but i can't...'cause i can't get anything out.i hate...i hate everything there is in this world.i think everything is so sick.and yet, i must live on.i'm like a walking zombie, my mind often blank.i can't really describe to you guys but, yea.its really hard for me..even billy can't cheer me up..i really regret..i hvn been treating ppl well since the beginning of the week, this week.i feel so cranky..and i'm just even sadder after i received my math and history tests, and god, the f**king tingxie i took on tuesday.fck.fck!i'm sry i'm swearing so much..but you do noe that when i do that, i'm feeling so much anger in me.yes, all the hatred in me.its so..hell.GET IT AWAY FROM ME!! AND WHAT'S WITH PPL STARING AT ME EVERYTIME I STEP OUT OF THE HSE?? i hate attention.you heard me? i HATE attention! i don't want any single person to care for me! i want to be alone! i.just want to crawl up to a corner..and wither..and die.. i feel so inferior.i feel so worthless, so lousy inside.i don't care whatever that happens to me.toss me around.break my heart.PLEASE! i beg of you all to..use me as a stepping stone to get what you all want..THROW me around like some pc of shit..kill me.STAB MY HEART A THOUSAND TIMES! i don't feel like life's worth living anymore..i just want want to die.. i just..feel that i'm against everything, and that everything is against me..i feel so fckingly screwed up! i feel so angry with myself..and why i can't be like others.i feel like i'm not good enough for others.i feel like i never was..i feel like i just go around and hurt other ppl's feelings.i feel like i'm gaining too much attention which i hate..i hate myself for being too cheerful..i hate myself for everything..everything.. i'm fat and all, and i hvn got a single good point.for me, nothing will ever last.EVER.its true, anyway.'cause everyone will leave me someday soon.not as in death.but even when they are still alive and kicking.they will leave me..they will desert me..they will dump me..and they won't even care if i'm upset..no, THEY WON'T GIVE A DAMN.i need someone to comfort me.and i don't want myself to push away the people..i, got over the previous depression because of..bianca.it was refles=ction day..and i don't know if i have post this b4..she really made me so happy..she really did.and i'm so grateful to her for that.. god did nt comfort me during that time, prob bcos i hvn got to know Him.but it was bianca.and now we're seperated into different classes..i realise i hvn been treating her well, too.i'm just so f**ked up with my own problem, i caused her to worry too.what kind of friend am i, huh? WHAT F**KING KIND OF FRIEND AM I?? YOU TELL ME! you guys don't have to talk to me, seriously.i can be content to be alone.just like in class.nobody will ever depend on me for sth.for ANYTHING.and i guess i'll be happy that i dun hv to do anything.but the problem is, i want others to knw that i'll be there for them, always.just tell me your problems and when you want me over.though i'm not such a good comforter, i'll be there for you guys... lost; blur; hurt was brought to life at 8:13 PM
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