Friday, November 30, 2007
okay today i shall post about some of my USED TOs and NOWs.*UT = Used To , N = Now
UT: struggle with homosexuality
N: 98% sure i ain't one but loves gay anime/manga.
UT: be talkative and irritating
N: damn quiet and scared or don't want to talk.
UT: study hard
N: slacked when entered secondary school, especially this year but slowly becoming hardworking.
UT: dislike Germany a little because of the Nazi's actions during WWII, but mostly alright with the country and people
N: ABSOLUTLY LOVE IT. (and my patriotic Germany bag too.)
UT: love singapore
N: starting to hate it. (for the stupid government and the stress)
UT: Believe that my family's a good and loving one, except for my bro. (when i was much younger)
N: it's falling apart, though i love my bro. So what do you think?
UT: want to be an artist
N: PILOT<3
UT: want to be a Christian
N: CHILD OF GOD.
UT: hate tofu. (unless with egg)
N: more or less like it.
UT: hate strawberries and found them disgusting because of the seeds on the skin
N: I LOVE STRAWBERRIES!
UT: love dresses, pink and Barbie
N: haven't worn a dress in a very long time, usually don't like pink stuff [Black! <3],>
UT: have huge ugly handwriting
N: it's small, sometimes neat but nowadays mostly messy.
UT: struggle with obesity
N: still am, but ain't doing anything about it. 8D
UT: love reading
N: ditched the booksfor a long time but addicted to it again(:
UT: refuse to do Quiet Time
N: only started late this year, sorry.
UT: have lotsa crushes
N: only one-- BILL KAULITZ<3
UT: like to have a boyfriend
N: Go away, suckers. [if they have ulterior motives] Boys are JERKS. I love and support Single-ness. Freedom! :D
UT: be energetic
N: dead like cow dung.
UT: have short hair
N: long hair, babeh.
UT: want to be a pretty girl.
N: want to be a pretty GUY. (!)
UT: don't see the point in reading anime (mostly because it's in chinese)
N: LOVE IT, Shōnen-ai and Comedy!
UT: love anime
N: still do, and always will.
UT: hate the mirror and looking at it at my face and my body
N: the mirror's useful for checking out my fats. But i still kinda dislike it.
UT: be happy-go-lucky
N: more wary and cautious of heart-breakers and therefore, i tend to close up i guess.
P.S. i still hate Gordon to the core.
lost; blur; hurt was brought to life at 7:47 PM
Sunday, November 25, 2007
---FROM NOW ONWARDS, I'M GOING TO CALL FATHER BY HIS NAME.---
Gordon is such a freak.
Makes people angry everyday, everytime.
ESPECIALLY PICKS ON ME.
Blames me for everything that is wrong IN HIS SIGHT, that is around me even though it is not my fault. That's his FIRST INSTINCT.
Sometimes tries to be 'funny' but fails terribly on me, cause i know he'll switch back to a freak-mode in a couple of seconds.
Likes to smoke in house nowdays, or lights his cigarette in the house before walking out. May the cigarette shorten his life by twice the usual.
Calls himself "First-Class Bastard" today. WOW.
ONLY CARES ABOUT HIMSELF and his things.
TOTALLY OBSESSED WITH "law & order" in the house.
Always go back on his word. he should just tape/write down whatever he says and STICK TO THAT. Yesterday he came home ordering me to wash the dishes. I've done it already but those dishes he was talking about came in WELL AFTER 9 o'clock and he had said many COUNTLESS times that dishes that come in after nine is the next person's duty. That unreasonable freak, Gordon, still refused to admit he was wrong and even told me to live somewhere else is i'm not helping around in the house.WHEN I ALREADY DID.
Someone who complains about EVERYTHING all the time.
Someone who gives people false hope. He sold away the Linkin Park concert tickets, which he supposedly wanted to bring me to, and i only knew about it on the day of the concert itself when i asked him.
Expects people to listen to all his crap lectures.
LOVES to throw things around, whatever that is considered "displeasing" in his field of vision.
Worries about the electricity bill all the time, just because he's paying.
Is fat and i doubt he'll do anything about it.
An eyesore.
Should just leave the house and everyone would be pleased.
Makes me wonder if i should still show him respect.
lost; blur; hurt was brought to life at 10:33 AM
Thursday, November 22, 2007
yo. just got back from Bangkok, Thailand. 17-21 November. Shopped loads! And to think i just went to Thailand [Chiang Rai] abt three weeks ago only, haha.Eh, actually this post is gonna be about me and my family. I'm gonna be rather honest about it, and i don't see the importance of hiding anything. But then of course, these are from my point of view and i won't blame you all if you have any strong objections of what is going to be written.
FATHER
I used to think he was alright. He was, in fact, in the past. Didn't talk much, was rather nice to us three siblings. Now, PAIN IN THE ASS. He's such a nag, and i'm not kidding about what i'm calling him. Nowadays, EVERYTHING he says is either a lecture or scolding. He's a Wet Blanket, a soaking wet one. Since last year, whenever i try to talk to him about something that would usually spark people's interest and they would cheerfully reply you, he'll just give a nonchalant reply, telling me to go do something.
Oh, and he also PUTS PEOPLE DOWN. He's so discouraging. He makes you feel so lowly of yourself with whatever that comes out of his mouth. Today's the release of the PSLE results rite? In the morning, he said that if my brother got above 200, it would be a miracle. And that he wouldn't get any grade higher than a 'C'. Mum, Aunt, Baby cousin and I accompanied my brother to school today to collect his results. [HE GOT 210! :D hehe, very happy for him!] I was thinking at that point of time, IN HIS FACE THAT DAMN MAN [father].
Guess what he said when he knew Bro's PSLE score? "Should thank me, because i tutored him." NOT EVEN ONE WORD OF PRAISE FOR HIS SON. He got tutor meh? More like keep asking him to revise and revise. He seems to be rather obsessed with Cleaniness and Tidiness. He always threatens to throw away our stuff if we don't pack our study table. He said that this holiday if we pack our desks, he would give us all a Pizza treat. Pack liao but up till now, still haven't give. Which brings us to the point that he NEVER KEEPS HIS PROMISES. Promised to pay for my sister's Sec 4 books "later" since last year, but up till now he haven't given her any of the money which she used hers first to pay.
He thinks he is so great just because he's a CATHOLIC. He thinks his religion is the only RIGHT ONE and that everyone should follow. He DISCRIMINATES CHRISTIANS, saying all whatever for e.g., "Do you know why Catholic priests don't marry? Priests either don't marry or don't be one at all. Not like you Christians. No one can have the best of both worlds one!" to ME. And he always other Christians as my "GANG". Freak, who wants to listen to what he says against us Protestants? And today he even BOASTED that my brother is going to attend Catholism Classes soon. He's still a christian now.
Well, it's just so frustrating to have him in the house. And now that he's injured, i TREASURE THE TIME WHENEVER HE GOES OUT.
MOTHER
She used to be so "loving" and whatsoever. Now she can go CRAZY anytime and very fast. Think she's becoming senile. During the Bangkok trip, she can "force" us to buy something taht she thinks is cute, etc and she can still say that she buy so many things for us. okay la, mostly is we choose one, but still. Oh, she SELF-PITY herself everytime she's angry with us. She'll go like, "I'm not appreciated. All that i've done for you all [me and siblings], i've done out of love and this is what i get." or "You all have hurt me so much. I don't see a point in *something*." CRYING/WAILING.
When she gets mad, she'll blame EVERYBODY. Talking about her being senile, she seems to be hard of hearing nowadays. Like, recently. But apparently, she's RATHER GOOD at hearing me and my sis whisper about her. Surprising, huh. She also likes to repeat herself so many times, people get irritated with her. During the shopping, she keeps asking abt the price until alot of shop owners say something behind her back when we leave.
She's a NAG too, like all mothers are i guess. And so isn't it horrid and unlucky to have TWO nags in the house? Yeah, she seems rather friendly and motherly [at least that's what Bianca's mother decribes her as] to whichever of you all who meets her. But of course, you'll never know what she's like until you live with her. And i also don't know how Father can live with her for so long.
SISTER
I guess you all should know by now right, 'cause i've talked about her like in my posts a few months ago. I don't know and am not sure whether she's better now. Guess she still thinks that she's kinda great sometimes, talking about other people's bad points when she herself also have that bad point [mostly when she's angry or when we're quarelling]. i admit i do fear her sometimes and i seriously think that she still HATES ME TO THE CORE. She thinks that whatever that i do is wrong. A little mistake that i make can irritate her.
And when she says that we all cool off very fast after being angry? i think she's not really the type that she says she is. Especially with me lah, the one she dislikes a lot. Oh, and because i "fear" her right, i do take note of the things that she don't like me to do and all her preferences. She has many, my goodness. And i guess i'm considered 'cowardly' by doing so? Damn.
BROTHER
He used to be irritating and i hated him a lot, from young. And so i treated him very badly, actually. But now, he seems to have changed ALOT. He's a good guy now and i mean it. He's more mature than i was at his age. He gives way to others. And he doesn't get angry easily. Although he may be a little irritating at times, he's rather okay. He may not look so good on the outside [a little fat but he's playing badminton almost everyday!] but what matters is on the INSIDE. cliche, but he's actually quite nice hor.
And i LOVE him the most in the family now. (: that's why i even bothered to accompany him to school today! hee. Feel like hugging him and saying my first "i love you" to him. But i think i'll do it during Christmas bah. (:
Eh, sorry i'm kinda rushing for time right now. But i'll promise to dedicate a post about myself and i'll promise it'll be a truthful one, okay? (:
lost; blur; hurt was brought to life at 9:01 PM
Saturday, November 17, 2007
hey sorry please read today's post, DATED 6 NOVEMBER 2007. lost; blur; hurt was brought to life at 1:04 AM
Saturday, November 10, 2007
hey guys, sorry i've not posted for a long time. In fact, i should be posting about the trip to Chiang Rai, which by the way is kinda overdue too. Will fill in you all about it another time, but i'm just too lazy these few days to do it hehe.. :\ah..yes, my previous post was about a dream i had about BILL right? Well i guess i'm getting a little over obsessive over him you know.. which is a bad thing, of course. i remember telling Kar that i liked BILL but i was not obsessed over him or sth but i think it's coming true leh.. i really just can't stop thinking of him and all his WONDERFULNESS.. Gahh..such beauty.. [omg! lust! >.<]
yeah and guess what? yesterday i dreamt of him again !! And this time is i think i was a little conscious. I WAS ACTUALLY PLANNING OF HOW I WOULD MEET BILL AND HOW HE'D EVENTUALLY FALL IN LOVE WITH ME! Well in case you wanna know about some brief details, i'll be glad to tell you anyway(:
Okay, i guess some of you should know how much i want and hope that BILL would come to Singapore right? [it's in my wishlist btw.] Yeah, and i dreamt i actually got a backstage pass to one of his concerts and i actually got to talk to him for awhile, which seemed to pass by slowly. Then i dropped my contacts. Not long after, he came to Singapore, either to look for me or i think he had a concert here too [i can't quite remember!]. And the main scenes were my old house at Yishun Ring Road, Khatib and at some shopping mall in Singapore [but somehow it reminds me of a similar one in America]. And yes, he still looked his gorgeous self, as usual. He looked pretty tall too! xD And you know what happens next, ABIT like the typical "falling-in-love" story so i shall not elaborate any further.
But i still think this may be a bit worrying, heh.
ANYWAY, sorry for the super short post, but i'll lengthen it with MORE PICTURES! :D
who else d'you think it would be? haha.
Gosh i love his cap! And that beautiful smile(:
hehe..he's without eyeliner! [And you'd notice he has DOUBLE EYELIDS. :D]
i want a dog collar like his!
hehe, don't ask me. i just think he looks cute and abit funny(:
hehe, don't ask me. i just think he looks cute and abit funny(:
CUTENESS!
he's got the puppy eyed look..
And sometimes i just wish he'd keep his body to himself, dno why...
so desirable...
The shirt says, "It's obvious everybody loves me."
BILL's among three girls!
HE STICKS OUT HIS TONGUE FOR A CANDID SHOT, omg!
this was BILL when he participated in StarSearch in 2003 [but lost in the quarter finals]. So cute right!
Tokio Hotel.
Tokio Hotel WHEN YOUNG. [aka Devilish, till they changed their name(: ]
And you know you can't deny the fact that they're BROTHERS.
[personally i think they both look adorable in this picture.]
lost; blur; hurt was brought to life at 10:10 PM
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Hey guys..so sorry I don’t think that I’ll be posting about the Chiang Rai trip anymore..just don’t feel like it. [perhaps after a VERY LONG time? *shrugs*] BUT. I’ll post a few videos and pictures. (:
my buddy-- SIRIAM! <3 She's 12!
me and my guy buddy, NUTTHAWUT. He's FOURTEEN only, can you believe it?! i thought he was like 19 or sth!
i didn't really talk to him much.. ):
Amphiga. [i think that's how her name is spelled] She's Andrea's buddy but she was treated me better and even said that i was a good person. DNO WHY. but she's nice! :D she's 12 too.
Some random picture i took during the picnic(:
THE FIRST GIRLS PERFORMANCE. can you spot my girl buddy?
SIRIAM and Wen Jing's buddy. i think her buddy's kinda cute and pretty, don't cha think! she's 8.
BIANCA's toy cat! she brought it to Chiang Rai haha.
i've wrapped my bible! :D Front.
Back. hehe, well that picture shows BROTHERHOOD, ad they look very loving too(:
SO SORRY THE VIDEOS ARE BLURRED AND OF POOR QUALITY, partially because of my phone, but because of my inexperienced hands too... D:
FASHION SHOW, kinda hee. My buddy's on the right! i think..
THE FIRST BOY PERFORMANCE. (part 1)
THE FIRST BOYS PERFORMANCE. (part 2) sorry my phone ran out of space halfway and i missed about 1 min puls of the middle!
EVERYBODY SINGING. my guy buddy's in the second last row, second from the left.
My guy buddy playing the guitar with someone else's buddy. He's on the right!
SORRY this time it's REALLY my fault that the video's horrid...
Hmm..remember the other time I said I had a private blog? The thing that I’m gna post abt today SHOULD have been posted on it, but somehow I just feel that it’s not really much of any use. To keep people’s identities protected, and since this is a public blog, I shall start with three people, Person A, Person B and Person C.
Well, I regard Person A as a rather good friend, probably my best friend. But since last month, I’ve been wondering if she really did see me as one herself. Person A and B had a bit of friendship problems with Person C recently, and I did try to help to solve them. And of course, being the “middle-person” [or trying to be one], they told me some stuff about the other party, except that Person B didn’t really talk to me much.
And I think that a few things that Person C mentioned were a little true…? ‘cause I don’t know, whenever I’m arnd with Person A and B, Person A tends to stick with and talk to Person B more. But when Person B leaves, Person A starts to talk to me more. However, when Person A faced some sort of problems a few months ago, I did ask her about it and she said that I was a better friend than Person B and C, prob cos I showed more concern. Or whatever the reason is.
The thing is, I’ve been rather confused and feeling rather insecure lately, asking myself whether I REALLY mean more to Person A than Person B means to her. Yeah, Person B IS funny, and can make her laugh. I guess I AM hopeless at those “making-people-laugh” stuff and lack the ability to do so. Therefore, I find it REALLY hard to talk to Person A whenever Person B is arnd. I just..feel so inferior…and I feel sad when I see them tgth, like before I’m supposed to meet Person A, and on one occasion I did ask her whether she would like me to accompany her to somewhere [I did ask her the day before and she said okay] but before she replied my SMS, I saw her with Person B walking to that very place. I hope I’m not being over-sensitive.. I guess I’m feeling kinda upset about this, and perhaps the next time I see Person A online, I’ll talk to her about it.
i’ve been thinking. People like to go with others who CAN MAKE THEM HAPPY. And I know that I ABSOLUTEY don’t have that kind of talent, whatsoever. Plus, I’m pretty quiet/soft-spoken or I just don’t want to talk. Call me emo, whatever. But I don’t think there’s much in school that I’m looking forward to nowadays. I’m pretty much a loner in school, cause my “group of friends” are in another class. I’ve left my “second group of friends” already for quite some time, cause someone whom I thought I could actually be close with IN CLASS apparently found someone else WHO COULD MAKE HER HAPPY. It kinda broke my heart, but I know it’s no use crying over spilled milk.
OKAY, the reason why I don’t like NPCC nowadays is not really because of the work and all the activities, but more of the PEOPLE. In my squad, there’s this “clique” which I don’t like because in the first place, WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE BONDED AS A WHOLE SQUAD. And I don’t have someone to “go with” during CCA, unless it’s a person whom EVERYONE don’t want to partner. In class also like that. And they just stick me with her all the time.
AND NOBODY CARES, F***.
Well, I regard Person A as a rather good friend, probably my best friend. But since last month, I’ve been wondering if she really did see me as one herself. Person A and B had a bit of friendship problems with Person C recently, and I did try to help to solve them. And of course, being the “middle-person” [or trying to be one], they told me some stuff about the other party, except that Person B didn’t really talk to me much.
And I think that a few things that Person C mentioned were a little true…? ‘cause I don’t know, whenever I’m arnd with Person A and B, Person A tends to stick with and talk to Person B more. But when Person B leaves, Person A starts to talk to me more. However, when Person A faced some sort of problems a few months ago, I did ask her about it and she said that I was a better friend than Person B and C, prob cos I showed more concern. Or whatever the reason is.
The thing is, I’ve been rather confused and feeling rather insecure lately, asking myself whether I REALLY mean more to Person A than Person B means to her. Yeah, Person B IS funny, and can make her laugh. I guess I AM hopeless at those “making-people-laugh” stuff and lack the ability to do so. Therefore, I find it REALLY hard to talk to Person A whenever Person B is arnd. I just..feel so inferior…and I feel sad when I see them tgth, like before I’m supposed to meet Person A, and on one occasion I did ask her whether she would like me to accompany her to somewhere [I did ask her the day before and she said okay] but before she replied my SMS, I saw her with Person B walking to that very place. I hope I’m not being over-sensitive.. I guess I’m feeling kinda upset about this, and perhaps the next time I see Person A online, I’ll talk to her about it.
i’ve been thinking. People like to go with others who CAN MAKE THEM HAPPY. And I know that I ABSOLUTEY don’t have that kind of talent, whatsoever. Plus, I’m pretty quiet/soft-spoken or I just don’t want to talk. Call me emo, whatever. But I don’t think there’s much in school that I’m looking forward to nowadays. I’m pretty much a loner in school, cause my “group of friends” are in another class. I’ve left my “second group of friends” already for quite some time, cause someone whom I thought I could actually be close with IN CLASS apparently found someone else WHO COULD MAKE HER HAPPY. It kinda broke my heart, but I know it’s no use crying over spilled milk.
OKAY, the reason why I don’t like NPCC nowadays is not really because of the work and all the activities, but more of the PEOPLE. In my squad, there’s this “clique” which I don’t like because in the first place, WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE BONDED AS A WHOLE SQUAD. And I don’t have someone to “go with” during CCA, unless it’s a person whom EVERYONE don’t want to partner. In class also like that. And they just stick me with her all the time.
AND NOBODY CARES, F***.
lost; blur; hurt was brought to life at 6:24 PM