Tuesday, June 17, 2008
I'M OFFICIALLY DECLARING THIS BLOG AS DEAD, ABANDONED.(sorry, just too lazy to update.)My new blog, though, is: http://theshizandgiz.livejournal.com/ lost; blur; hurt was brought to life at 12:02 AM
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Sunday, April 27, 2008
something really exciting happened in my life again! :Dthe SECONDARY THREE LEADERSHIP CAMP. [24th April 2008-26th April 2008]FIRST DAY-i woke up at about normal time, packed my PE t-shirt inside and off i went to school! I was partnering Crystal because Cheryl seet was partnering Chelsea and Belinda, with Abigail. We were supposed to wear slacks/track pants (as the cheif veron said, so we won't show so much skin when we go to st. john island-.-") and well, some people esp e china scholars (sorry) looked like they didn't suit their bottoms at all.. just thank god i had slacks from NP, cause i HATE to wear track pants, esp since how they're usually so tight and would stick to my skin, revealing all my ugly leg fats:X After assembly, we gathered at the forum and our respective group intructors were introduced to us. Group 5 got YAO XING! while Group 6 got WAN WEI. At first i guess i was abit disappointed cos i though grp 6's instructor looked nicer hehe, and my grp's one looked abit..uh..not that friendly? Yup, then we soon set off on the buses and sat down at Marina Pier for awhile. Before we boarded the ferry, there was this ultra cool thing where you can put ur thumb and then the person would take your thumbprint! hee, like first time seeing it. and i think it's quite efficient for taking down your identity(: We got Mr. Alex Teoh taking care of us, btw. And half of the class sat at the top deck while others sat at the middle one cause there wasn't enough space on top. and i was sitting facing that horrible gloria ang and rebecca tan): lucky have Eunice to talk to!within half an hour, we reached ST. John's Island. It was raining, so we wore ponchos/carried umbrellas and walked up to the gathering hall number 8 with our heavy baggage. I was wearing the poncho from the Campcraft Competition, hehe. -SHHHh don't tell:)- and other people thought it was nice too! i like those kinda poncho material better too, the plastic one will tend to stick to your skin and make you feel even warmer. dark blue:D We checked into our Dormitry 11, which was like the nearest to the gathering hall. The bunks were kinda like what most of us expected them to be? Mattress thin and both the mattress and the pillow's dirty, got few have small shit on them. they told us that they'd give us those foldable Safari beds (like beach chairs) so we won't have to sleep on the cold hard floor! Anw, we soon started to think up of our group cheers, group name and designing our group flag in the dorm. Yi Ling, because of her wonderful drawing talent, was chosen to draw it for us. yup, and guess what's our group name? HOTDOG. haha. And this is how our group's short cheer go: " Hotdog, Hotdog. Yumyumyumyumyumyum. Deliciato. "After that we had AMUSING RACE! (instead of Amazing Race) Its like we are given clues as to which where to go and once we get there, we have to complete one task. I think that we did quite well, quite fast! Especially that Untanglement. that was the FASTEST untanglement that i have ever done, WITHOUT CHEATING. :D I guess Yao Xing made things abit easier for us too. but he keep taking pictures! it's supposed to be good luh, but hehe, i'm camera shy! (but he took a picca of me when i was blindfolded-.-") It was okay luh, but it seems like something that you would get to do when you go for normal camps (not UG camps, most definitely). then.. WASH-UP! Me, Darice, Crystal, Beverley and Low Ann walking together and were searching for toilet together and when we finally found one nearly empty one, was very happy! ^^ (josie and bianca let us five bathe first, thank god for them!) And that was the shiokest bathroom ever, and although mine and Darice's shower cubicles didn't have curtains (there wasn't enough to go around i guess), we trusted each other that we won't look so yeahh. But you know i kinda get this feeling that in a girls' school, we tend to be more open. hehh.Yepp, so fresh, clean and smiling, we went back to the dorm, before going to some other sheltered place where the whole class discussed out campfire item. Me and Darice sat together, and well, we talked about some stuff! hee, only paid attention to the class discussion and practice of the item like 50% f the time? After that was DINNAH. Again, we said the HUNGRY HUNGRY cheer (and this was going to be said before the start of every meal). Dinner was worse than lunch? Partially the food but mostly because the students were all so freaked out by the big flies which loved the lights at the shelter there and kept screaming. I got see before during ATC do i didn't really care much. But after awhile, i started to get impatient laa, cause all their screaming was causing dinner to be delayed. We took half an hour to settle. And then after dinner, Chief Mojo "talked" to us about our behaviour. They said they didn't believe in scolding, since this was a leadership camp. Or something like that.After that got campfire songs (mostly we NPCC people know already)! As in we practise under the shelter. Hehe, while doing the Bumblebee cheer, with Yao Xing leading, Chief Mojo suddenly cut in and said stop/wait in japanese. Then Yao Xing freezed at his then-current position! Chief Mojo then carried him out while he was still in his frozen position. Like so cool and he was like very light laa! (anw he so skinny...) For the rest of the Bumblebee cheer, Chief Mojo played with Yao Xing's hands to do the actions for the song. But damn good leh, YAo Xing must have had a really good stamina or what to be able to remain "frozen" for sucha long time. After that was..NIGHT ACTIVITY! Brenda Goh and Sarah Tan were kidnapped and the groups were supposed to complete a set of tasks to obtain a key and find Brenda Goh. Again, Yao Xing helped us alot to speed up our tasks and stuff. He even lead us to where all the kidnapees were without us asking him to laa! But we carried Brenda Goh all the way back to the basketball court. Hehe, was abit obscene for her, cause her shirt kept going up and revealing her back. But it was fun, though tiring! (:By the time the night activity ended, it was quite late already so there wasn't any supper or debrief. We like immediately proceeded with wash-up. The toilet got BITING ANTS you know! damn what lor, they just keep climbing up your shoe and your legs as soon as you step into the toilet and even INSIDE your shoe. Irritating pests..first time i experienced ant bite too. For the sleeping part, two beds were pushed together and a few sleeping bags were laid on it. Me, Darice, Vanessa Tan and Crystal all four slept on it hehe, with me and Crystal at the extreme ends and Darice was sleeping beside me. Was abit squeezy and in the middle of the night i woke up realising that my blanket wasn't covering my legs already and well, so i pulled back from Darice. hee, fun-ness.[to be continued on another day....] lost; blur; hurt was brought to life at 10:00 AM
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Saturday, April 12, 2008
ehm..posting now cause i was a little disturbed on thursday...eh..i have an awesome 'GAY' PARTNER/ BARNEY, aka kai ying! church friend laa, sec 2. last time from st nicks pri one.anw, i told Bianca that we call each other gay partners for fun laa (because got one time we pretended to be les and walk along the road with tracy and seeyi in front, our arms over each others' shoulders ,hehe). then Bianca was a little concerned that because i put 'I LOVEE MY GAY PARTNER/BARNEY;D' as my pm on messenger, she was a little worried that people who are les or not may take it as an offence. and then she said something like she thought i'm like a very devoted christian and stuff so i think she thought i wouldn't say/do such a thing one laa. When i heard it right, i started to think laa. as in it never occurred to me before..i just thought since it's just for fun, playplay, and that me and kai ying were both PERFECTLY straight, it would be okay.but after she said right, then i started to think that perhaps it would probably give other people a not so good impression? (if they think it's real, or not the other meaning, which gay = happy) then i started to think that i as a christian should have set a good example. but now i dun care! i just continue to put as my pm.ohohohOH!! guess what?? ON FRIDAY I WENT FOR THE PLANETSHAKERS CONCERT! very cool and omg, its free! once a year only.. so happy man..then sound system very good also..all surround.. jumping and praising god so fun!! yeah had so much fun although not much space cause sharon and emily squeezed in between with us just before the concert sterted. actually supposed to start at 7.30pm but you know, usually concerts will have delay of any sort because of the people wanna go inside or something, so yeah it was delayed. ohyeah, the singers weren't out of tune at all leh! and it's like usually when poeple perform live they'd tend to go out of tune at least once laa. Saw a couple of st nick girls go there also but well, the only one i know well and have no feelings of dislike whatsoever towards is Benita. She shouted hi to me when she saw me haha. the rest are like abigail tang, gloria ang (blehh!), vanessa from sec 3 hope (blehh!), cleo, etc. but idc them! hee. it ended at 10.30, and well reached home at about 12 plus. then called kai ying and talked to her till 2.30. (andand today woke up at 8.30 somemore..)However, what really touched me was seeing so many christians gathering together at the concert. And of course, you know that there are definitely more out there. Another thing that touched me was how the Planetshakers and Tim Hughes impacted the lives of non-christians among us and in the end, a lot of them accepted christ at the end of the concert. ahh..thank god for such concerts that may touch the lives of the many lost sheeps in the world. i hope that they can do more of such things, cause i really wanna see more people knowing christ and oh, may the faithful believers out there not be prosecuted by the government for worshipping Jesus! may the Lord watch over them, give them the strength to continue to perservere in their mission to spread the Gospel. May God always watch over them and be with them.today during shepherd's meeting (unit), we were asked to think of one person there and affirm them laa. i started to affirm emily..saying that she always makes an effort to come down for things like how she rushed down for the concert. then after that i agreed with sharon that she listens whenever people complain to her. i DON'T KNOW WHY, but at that moment i started to cry. they started to pass me a tissue laa and i didnt get to finish affirming her. what i wanted to say and noticed was..I think she's very sacrificial. and..you know, ever since the night of the sleepover when *ahem* like vent her anger (as in like scold/complain/released her frustration) to emily on the phone because there was some unhappiness on that day laa. and it was like, mostly not her fault? yet, she was the one who lent *ahem* a listening ear..just like she gives one to everyone. i really thank god for her you know. Somehow or another i get this feeling that emily actually has some personal problems in her life la, and she's also physically drained. However, she manages to keep that smile on her face almost everytime one sees her. And she can still crack the whole caregroup up. I thank god for her being strong laa, and also..for her faithfulness and dedication to her sheeps. She's had some difficult sheeps and how she managed to bring them back/connect them is so amazing... she'll make a great careleader someday. (: lost; blur; hurt was brought to life at 11:48 PM
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Saturday, March 15, 2008
ahh i think this week's been a rather hectic and tiring week for me. stupid homework-- i'm still left with 14 hehh. DIEDIEDIE!! [and i still can use the computer, like i am now =.=] Then this week like quite cranky and moody luh. things haven't been going my way. And well..i kinda strayed away form God i guess.. as in, when i felt angry, i didn't seek him and all..and it was for a few days in a row. gahh.felt quite guilty..on thursday afternoon, i was like randomly going to different websites and i went to Mr. Alex Teoh's one. actually wanted to maybe go through his chem notes but then i saw that 3L and 3G had to submit some question answers from the ten-year-series worksheet aboutthe periodic table and i got a shock you know! luckily it was due on Friday, 4pm. [but the next day he extended till Sunday, when he'll go upload the template on Edulearn for us to fill in our answers.]Well, there was a short sentence on top of the list of questions we had to do, telling us that he has a bad flu and asks us to pray for him. [that was why he extended too, because he was too sick to do it on friday] I sms-ed him a while later, asking how was he and told him that i'd pray for his recovery later that day. Well, i dunno WHY but in that sms, i also told him about how my spiritual life in Christ was not strong this week and that i hoped to be refreshed by God this weekend (during service). After some time, he replied, saying that he'd pray for me too and encouraged me by saying that Christ would be with me always. And although i have heard it many times already, i was kind of touched when he replied me, as in the whole sms. *sniff* maybe it's because it's like the first time i've told a Christian teacher about all these kinda stuff. And i wasn't that close to him at all. But anyway, hope to see him in school on monday:)Before service today, i went for Drawing class, which is like part of my ministry. Thought it started at 10am and that i was about half an hour late but apparently SMART STEVEN said it actually started at 10.30 and the half an hour was buffering time. hahaha, guess he was expecting people to be late and stuff. Oh, Steven's the teacher of the class, although he's only a youth just like us. But he's REALLY good at drawing kae, especially with sketches. And he keeps using the smiley '=P' which i think is quite cute and funny haha. We did Blank *sth* today and like omg, everyone else is at least two years older than me (actually only 5 students in total) and their art is way better than mine.. felt inferior:\ hahaha.I think today's sermon really applies to my life. Today Pastor Jefferey teaching was EXPERIENCE THE JOY OF EASTER [John15:9-11]. It was kind of like more of speaking to the non-believers among us, and also kindo of like a recap of some teaching i've heard before. but it served as a little reminder about how to be joyful even when in difficult or hard times in my life. Today's songs were all the old ones, those that i've heard before luh. And guess what? All the songs sung during praise were the ones i liked alot last time. But now i kinda settle for slightly less rocky ones, i think:) It was freaking cold from the start of the service luh. and sorry Belinda, that i didn't pick up your call. At that time, we were halfway singing one of the worship songs, so don't spoil atmosphere(:After lunch @ Le Meridien Foodcourt, my cg were studying but i sat there for awhile and look around. i knew i wouldn't be able to concentrate at that food court and was planning to leave at 3.30pm. I asked Sharon Goh which MRT station should i walk to, Somerset or Dhoby Ghaut. But in the end i decided to walk to Somerset luh. it's nearer than Dhoby Ghaut (because once you go in, you'll hv to walk all the long way to the NS Line and i'm lazy too hehe) anyway.As i was walking, going to cross that small road to CentrePoint right, suddenly got this HUGE PALM LEAF+SOME BARK DROP A LITTLE ON MY HEAD AND RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. i was like kinda shocked laa!! I looked at that damn dried thing and saw that it was about MY HEIGHT LONG..? or maybe even longer. I was so scared luh!! i had NARROWLY ESCAPED DEATH just like that. Thank goodness it was like the middle of the whole thing that hit my head and not the super hard part, which is the bark there, if not i would have died or have brain damage already. When i looked up right, i saw this teenage girl look at me and what happened and her mouth was like OMG, her mouth opened so wide in shock. It was quite funny to see her expression though, cause the rest were like a bit staring at me without much expressions on their faces. I faster zhao laa, dun wna ppl to keep on staring and stuff.. i later called Sharon Goh to tell her what happened too.In the MRT train, the first thing i thought of was that if i died at that moment, i would not have been ready, like haven't written my Will and all. And the weird/shocking thing was that i was actually thinking of my Will TODAY MORNING on the way to Nexus. Dont ask me why, just suddenly thought of it. Then i was thinking back about the events that took place during the incident. I THINK God kinda saved me from death. Because just a split second before the whole thing happened, i stopped for like one second because i heard a car honking. Usually i wouldn't have given a damn about cars honking but IF I HAD NOT STOPPED AND HAD TAKEN THAT STEP FORWARD, IMAGINE WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED. You'd probably see me in a pool of blood, staining my black skinnies, brown shirt and my dear Germany Bag. I really thank God, you know. It was like a miracle that i didn't die. Yeah, i thank God for protecting me for i guess my time's not up yet and God still have a purpose for me in my life, to bring glory to His Kingdom etc.HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD,SING WITH ME, HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD.AND ALL WILL SEE HOW GREAT,HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD.i'm in love with this song, just like i'm in love with NEGAI by KAORI HIKITA now:)p.s. I think today's drummer looks quite cute..! ^^ lost; blur; hurt was brought to life at 6:36 PM
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Sunday, March 09, 2008
well, guess that since now's the start of the holidays, i hope and think i should be able to post more..? but eh..pardon me for the randomness, because if you haven't noticed, it's 3 am right now:)
i really really like the aeroplane. i dno, during history lesson on thurs, sharon law/whatever-her-surname-is showed us a short clip from a movie about the first aeroplanes that went to war or something like that and although it was kinda boring, i couldn't help but keep on watching how the aeroplanes flew and how exciting/scary it was for the pilot. i actually watched with my eyes widened and my mouth opened in amazement kae, no kidding. you can ask belinda, that is if she did notice. But then tt sorta 'rekindled' my passion to be a pilot. it definitely involves alot of risks and i might NOT be a pilot after all, because of my disappointingly short self and because i'm a female. but god, wish i could one day be one, or perhaps just fly one...
i think that school's making all of us kinda dead. i mean, it's tiring us out. maybe it's just me and the other people who are having competitions, which are draining them out. stupid CCC [campcraft competition]. i blame it for everything, my stinking grades, my great lack of sleep, etc. it kept being postphoned-- first it was changed from 22 feb to 1 march. then because when we went there it was raining heavily and again, it was postphoned. just found out last week..it's now 22 march, whatthehell. one month after the original date. dno what's the HTA problem. now still have to freakin train more. so sick and tired of training and doing the same old thing over and over again.
ANYWAY, what i wanted to point out was that Marcus, as well of the rest of the sec 4s seem so stressed up or something. marcus also have competition and he's like extremely busy and kinda don't get to talk to him alot. kinda miss his funniness and company online. And then sining also like become more quiet..i think all of them become more quiet and more mature.. and for me, i don't seem so energetic in school already, unless i'm being weird and don't know why i keep smiling so much as i speak to someone. i think i'm trying to hide something..but i'm not really sure either myself. it makes me think that sometimes the people who smiles a lot actually in fact has a lot of troubles. like myself. and i'm afraid one day i would explode. actually, sometimes you see me like very nice..but sometimes i guess you wouldn't want to see me when i'm angry. it would really shock you.
been kinda sad these few days, especially on wed, when we received out PPR. i was expecting my marks to be of that range, and seemed alright as i received it. but as the fact and truth sets in, i started to feel kinda sad. i think i got the lowest in class, although i absolutely love my english this term. i got an A2 when most people got a B or C. dno how i did it, but i'm glad i got it. though i screwed up my descriptive timed piece yesterday. then came the results of the Amaths test. was hoping to get a higher mark to pull up my F9, but it was a disappointing pass.and then teacher started to pile up a lot of homework. have to go back to school for cca and training. tues-- 14 HOURS: 8am-10pm. because needa prepare campfire for JTC campfire night.
today i had my 3rd shepherding with pearlyn seet. i don't know whats wrong with me, but everytime i see pearlyn, i can't really talk properly. as in i keep stammering. and so my teaching was SHIAT today. came ate for everything too-- pearlyn's shepherding, which led to me being late for meeting Li Ling, which led to us being late for service. Really makes me wonder if i should give up on pearlyn already. she don't seem responsive and can tell that she dun wna come for service already. it's lately becoming even more obvious. and i feel like such a failure. pearlyn's my first sheep and yet i can't get her to be connected. everytime i end up giving way to her excuses. sometimes i wish i could be strict and yet still gain respect from my sheeps.
tomorrow, or today, is sunday.dno what to do.but i think i should try to complete my homework asap. and use the com more, hopefully.. lost; blur; hurt was brought to life at 2:57 AM
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Saturday, February 09, 2008
hey y'all. sorry but i think that i won't be posting anymore. or prolly in a very long time. you see, i've become rather lazy and well.. it's kinda inconvenient for me cause of the following restrictions:
(1) mum. she has changed the password to a horribly unbreakable and unchangable one and refuses to give it to me. lost trust between me and her. freeeaaak. i only can use it to do homework, etc. no playing! D:
(2) therefore, it becomes inconvenient for me to use the com. but anyway, it was already inconvenient for me as whenever i start to think, i usually don't have the access to the com. and i guess i either spend alot of time thinking about how to construct what i'm going to write or trying hard not to forget what i want to write. seems a little stressful and like what my sister said, you'd feel like it is a MUST to update and so naturally you'll feel stressed. gahh.
(3) mum and dad keeps complaining about the electricity bill. so i can't use for a very long time, unless i do it illegally. (i.e. use at night so that they sleep already then i can use at least slightly longer)
(4) i can't use the com till too late, otherwise my dad would come out and smoke, forcing me to faster wash up and go to bed. horrible man! but anyway, guess it's really past my bedtime then i..can't really blame him. unless he anyhow accuse me of using for so long when in actual fact, i started using it late.
I used to think that keeping a diary was a chore, etc. i guess i was pretty lazy to write also. Write halfway, then think that my hand very tired so i put in there "to be continued..." but in the end i also never complete it. BUT, breakthrough. I've so totally fallen in love with the notebook Joan gave to me during last year's Christmas, although it looks like a plain notebook inside, the "soft-coloured" circles on the cover are so pleasing to the eyes, cute and well..the pages inside are definitely better than normal exercise books(: It's from Korea, btw. hahaha. yepp. uh..today i'm not sure if i'm going to write in it..but i'e been doing so for the last two days!
My first diary's too childish now and my second's so small, you'll have to use dno how many pages. must keep on flipping the pages, so irritating until it makes me lose interest in completing the entry. :/
Hmm..i shall end this post with some 'clarifications' [should there even be a word. but you get what i mean, don't cha?]/ things i'd like to let you know:
1) the fact that i have a broken family will never change and although it seems fine on the surface, you wouldn't want to know what really goes on inside everyone's head.
2) i will devote the rest of my secondary days [if possible, my life] to my BELOVED. just want to be by beloved's side(:
3) Diaries are meant to be private and so is my private blog. like i said, if i'm ready to show it to y'all, i'll post the link. Btw, i'm pretty sure that the person i've given the link to isn't going to read it anymore, because we ain't so close already. so what's the point of continuing to post?
4) i love 2 Justice'07 and won't forget it's existence. (unless i get old and start to forget a lot of things)
BUHBYE WILL POST UH..WHEN I'M FEELING UBER BORED OR SOMETHING(: lost; blur; hurt was brought to life at 12:10 AM
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Saturday, January 19, 2008
My List Of Thank-yous.
REAL DATE: 2ND FEBURARY 2008. (i kept forgetting to post it after decding that i didn't feel like continuing now, on sunday>.<)i realise that this is going to be the only post that i'd give a title [i think] cause you all know that's not really my thing right? or for most people, that is. Anyway, today got me thinking again. And today's one's special and close to my heart. okay, so almost all the post are "close" to my heart in one way or another, but i hope that this post will make you all happy too^^
I think that uhm..despite all the bad stuff, i've had a nice time on earth so far. And today i just kept thinking of how good people were to me, when i started to watch Just Married on Channel 5. And here's my list of Thank-you(s).. it's NOT in any particular, just that whoever comes across my mind, i would just mention. Ehm, i'm so sorry if i didn't mention your name anywhere, anyhow. There are just too many people whom i've known. But if you ever come across this post, do tell me if i've missed you out. ;)
GOD- "firstly, i'd like to thank God...." that's what almost everyone says when they've won something and they're thanking everyone for their success. But do they mean it? Do they know God themselves? Somehow i doubt that most of them have known and experienced God, and that the people in my school are just saying that because it's a Mission school and it just becomes "automatic". But for me, it's way different. What can i say.. but i've always wanted to be a Christian from young. And when i had a relationship with Jesus Christ, i sort of knew that i've made the right choice. Of course, it definitely took me quite some time to commit to church but i know that i'm doing this for the Kingdom Of God. God to me is like my dearest friend. Although even now i'm still getting used to not just think thoughts in my head and later blog it out, but rather, to pray and talk to God. It's just divine, this relationship with god. Jesus is like a friend whom you can count on, just like i can. He's really amazing; he takes my breath away. I know that he'd always be there for me, watching over me, giving my life purpose, teaching me lessons to be learnt in life, and picking me up whenever i fall. Jesus makes me trust and open up, with his commands and blessings. But i know i must also be careful in this sinful world.MOM- The most important thing.. for carrying a fatty like me in your womb for 8 months plus plus and finally giving birth to me. i guess i'd never be able to know how it feels like to be carrying a precious balloon around and be careful about it, until i finally conceive. Thank you for loving and being nice to me, although i'm such a rebellious, moody and unreasonable daughter. Sure, there are certain things that i wish you weren't and somethings that i wish you were more of but i suppose no one can be perfect. no mortal, that is. yeah, so thank you for being my mum.DAD- Guess you'd be wondering why the hell would i thank you for anything right now, if you'd ever read this. Yess i TOTALLY agree. But in this list of thank-you(s), you know i still love you or still want to love you. Sure, i find you exceptionally unreasonable at most times, especially these few months onwards. But i can't and will never deny that you're my dad. And it's my duty to honour you. I admit i haven't been a good daughter either, talking back to you and stuff. But i don't know, just seeing your face makes me so agitated nowadays. Thank you for the younger years of my life. For working so hard, and not allowing this family to be a broken one, no matter how much you can't stand mum. And prolly for my looks also.BIANCA- You know i would definitely mention her. You know she's the one i always stick to in school whenever i have the chance to meet up with her. And i don't intend to let her go, unless she wants to give up on this friendship, which i'm really afraid she might. but i'd like to thank her for EVERYTHING.
From being my best friend [or that's how much i value her, though i don't know how much she thinks about me], introducing me to awesome bands like Good Charlotte, TOKIO HOTEL, Cinema Bizarre, Blink 182 [with Tom Delonge, the "love of her life" right now], etc, BOYxBOY manga/anime [although i introduced anime to her first] and..being such a great friend. I guess i did expect too much from her as a friend over the last two years. But i realised it already after the June holidays and decided to pick up the lost connection i had with her during one very long period of time [i think it's about 3/4 a year] of our friendship problems. It was definitely hard, but i knew i was determined to make that friendship last and become stronger. I've watched her when she cried, slept next to her, saw her brush teeth and wash face [HEHEHE, chiang rai!], when she gets excited over something, when she's really tired, and more. Guess God has a brilliant way to make me appreciate my time more with her, not allowing us to be in the same class after sec 1. Sure there are ALOT [and i really mean alot] of times when there are hints of jealousy cause i can't be with her all the time. I used to think that if she found someone else "better" than me, someone who can make her happier, she'd leave me. But i'm really glad she's opening up alot more since sec1. And making the whole world realise that deep down inside, she's a very nice girl. I'm glad that she's smiling more and finds joy in music and japanese stuff. If Bianca is happy, why shouldn't I be happy too? I want to give her my best in everything, and i leave it to God to help her come back to Him also. Thank you so much, my dear dear Bianca. (: lost; blur; hurt was brought to life at 10:05 PM
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