Tuesday, September 19, 2006
today is hell..and it would probably be like dat for the rest of my life. Stinking chinese paper, nearly lost my life! I have to say sorry to Bianca..was so angry with myself after test couldn't bring myself to talk to her cos scared i blow up..hai..and tmr hv geog paper and e nxt day, english..
I hate tests and exams and anything dat includes marks!
Sometimes i feel like falling to my death, but of course i wouldn't do dat! Life is once only and i should cherish it no matter what.. But the funny thing is, nowadays i feel like as if i dun fear death anymore, as in should it be time for me to go, im willing to go. I do not noe exactly why i feel this way but it certainly hv been bothering me these days..its just so weird..i wasn't like this before..last time so scared of death de..
I dun noe if it is good but there is definitely something wrong with me alright, cos i guess we all shouldn't be afraid of death because of some reasons i dun wanna state..
I feel my time on earth is complete and yet it isn't. I hvn't gone through much but i feel that should anyone take away my life with a reason, of course, i guess i wun mind at all. But i will never kill myself deliberately, duhh..i won't smoke, take drugs or anything of dat sort! Btw, i HATE smoking so there is no reason why i should start anyway..
Sometimes i do wonder if it is also true dat once you die, you would still rmb ur times on earth..at least it is what my mum's friend, a christian, told me..i seriously wanna be one myself but i dunno where to start, with so many questions in mind and i also do not noe for sure if im ready myself. I noe the doors r like always open for me? but its just so hard now..with so much on my mind..sometimes i do pray, to thank Him or ask a favour but i also tend to ask myself nowadays, Is it selfish of us to ask so many favours of God, but sometimes we just forget about him? I feel sometimes we ask alot of favours of Him and He sometimes grants them if you ask in faith, but we r also all so ungrateful. Some of us do not think of God once we receive good frm Him..But i guess it all boils down to the 'fact' that he loves all of us, although we r all sinners frm birth..
Praise God whenever you can!
He loves you!
I guess i should thank him a whol lot now..my history paper i tot i would never pass at all ( i became so angry with myself too after completing e paper cos i couldn't complete it ) but Thank God! i did pretty well in fact ya noe! :)
I guess i should end here now..long enough le and i must faster do revision for geog paper tmr..must jiayou! lost; blur; hurt was brought to life at 5:34 PM
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