Thursday, September 28, 2006
What scares me most? That is losing everything and everyone i have and have ever loved. Not death. That is the thing i am most sensitive to and should i feel that my relationship with others is strained, or others seem to turn away from me, i'd feel very sad and worry for the worst. Frankly, i do feel i'm extremely irritating and am getting on the nerves of everyone. Its like i'm either too boring or too energetic, and most of the time my moods come wrongly at the wrong time. And i will just feel so worried, what if i should lose all my friends? Now is not really a good time for me, because i'm well, down with all my poor results and i find it hard to keep cheery and when i feel really upset, i can't bring myself to talk to others. Its like my mind is clouded and blank and when people ask me something or try to talk to me, i can't answer and i'm afraid other people will think i am deliberately ignoring them. Its like when i'm sad, and i try to open my mouth to reply, i feel like i'm gonna cry and i don't want to suddenly burst out in tears or something..its just so hard to explain to others too because it is, afterall, something even words find it hard to explain..I'm kind of at a loss of what to do..so confused..and should my friends leave me, my heart would break into a thousand pieces. Sometimes i really feel so insecure and i really need a friend who really understands me. My heart is so fragile now, like anytime it would break. And when that happens, it will be the last of me. There will be no purpose in life for me then. Then its time to go. lost; blur; hurt was brought to life at 3:56 PM
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