Tuesday, May 22, 2007
“treasure all your loved ones, for anytime you may lose them”. common saying. Hard to believe, it happened to me today. That’s right. My cousin Jadon lost his life to a truck accident. And I’m sad. Everyone’s sad. Everyone’s grieving. Especially his family. Uncle Chin Soon, yi yi Helen and 哥哥 daryl, I really don’t know what to say. I really don’t know what to do to make you all feel better.
I regret. I regret not spending enough time with Jadon. I regret not getting to know him more. I regret not talking to him that much. I regret.
It is a terrible loss. He was just a mere Primary Three student. A rather bright student, I suppose. A pleasant child. And to think we called him mummy’s boy, cause he’d sometimes whine. But he is kind of independent, as compared to my brother. And my brother actually ended up quarrelling with Jadon the last time they met. Does he feel remorse? I don’t know.
When I first heard the news, I too, like my sister, had at first thought it was a joke. Until I saw tears pricking at her eyes. Shock. Plain shock. It was just so sudden. So sudden I couldn’t accept it at first. Then I thought of Jadon, the last time I saw him. The last time I would ever hear his voice. The last time I would ever see him again.
Tears pricked at my eyes, and like rain, they started to fall. No words can describe this sadness I’m feeling right now. No amount of praying or crying will bring Jadon back, sadly. But I pray for Jadon, that he will be with the Lord. That he will be with Jesus Christ. That he will walk hand in hand with God.
I guess I should be the one who leaves this world, and not him. I asked God why him and not me, when I’m already ready to go. Why him, a young boy of age 8? He do NOT deserve to die. He do NOT deserve to taken away from his family and other loved ones. I do. I’ve got no future. He has. And a very bright one too.
I think I can’t and do not know what it is like to love someone anymore. To even start with a friend is just so hard. I think I do not know what love is anymore. After she walked away to her new circle of friends quite some time ago. I feel I’ve lost all purpose of life. That special friend I gave my heart to, but was broken and is still not mended. And therefore, I feel that I should have been the one gone. No one would miss me like they do Jadon now. I know I’m not worth. He is.
And here’s a song, my blog song, for Jadon.
Leave Out All The Rest
I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
Cause no one else cared
After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I’m done here
So if you’re asking me
I want you to know
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I’ve done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don’t resent me
And when you’re feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
Don’t be afraid
I’ve taken my beating
I’ve shared what I’ve made
I’m strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I’ve never been perfect
But neither have you
So if you’re asking me
I want you to know
Forgetting all the hurt inside you learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else can come and save me from myself
I can’t be who you are
[[ Linkin Park writes nice and really meaningful lyrics. (: ]]
lost; blur; hurt was brought to life at 11:05 PM
_____________________________________
